"And so life went on, the adult life he’d helped me embark on, at the price of what forgetting I don’t know, of what defenses and what burden I can’t judge, the same, perhaps, as any life involves just to keep going, the same brutal obstinacy that everyone calls on to walk without stopping past a tramp stretched out on the street, to get on with works and days as soon as they close the newspaper, with the difference that, for me, misfortune, decline, and fear were infinitely close, no need to make an effort to imagine them, it was the rest that seemed abstract to me, the surface I too had learned to save, so much energy expended to seem smooth, normal, standard, to mask the chaos and keep my silent secret, to the point where, as I knew, my performance (like his before) was a little forced, I was afraid, always, of betraying myself, the adult life I was working to weave hung on me like a flimsy, filmy garment, anything could have torn it."

from No One, Gwenaëlle Aubry’s “autofiction” about her father’s madness

"And so life went on, the adult life he’d helped me embark on, at the price of what forgetting I don’t know, of what defenses and what burden I can’t judge, the same, perhaps, as any life involves just to keep going, the same brutal obstinacy that everyone calls on to walk without stopping past a tramp stretched out on the street, to get on with works and days as soon as they close the newspaper, with the difference that, for me, misfortune, decline, and fear were infinitely close, no need to make an effort to imagine them, it was the rest that seemed abstract to me, the surface I too had learned to save, so much energy expended to seem smooth, normal, standard, to mask the chaos and keep my silent secret, to the point where, as I knew, my performance (like his before) was a little forced, I was afraid, always, of betraying myself, the adult life I was working to weave hung on me like a flimsy, filmy garment, anything could have torn it."

from No One, Gwenaëlle Aubry’s “autofiction” about her father’s madness